When Do You Know You Are Emotionally Mature? 26 Suggestions

1. You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety – rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting.

2. You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be understood by other people. You realise that, unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words – and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly.

3. You learn that – remarkably – you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering steps towards (once in a while) apologising.

4. You learn to be confident not by realising that you’re great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We’re all making it up as we go along, and that’s fine.

5. You stop suffering from impostor syndrome because you can accept that there is no such thing as a legitimate anyone. We are all, to varying degrees, attempting to act a role while keeping our follies and wayward sides at bay.

6. You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn’t put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion.

7. You learn the enormous influence of so-called ‘small’ things on mood: bed-times, blood sugar and alcohol levels, degrees of background stress etc. And as a result, you learn never to bring up an important, contentious issue with a loved one until everyone is well rested, no one is drunk, you’ve had some food, nothing else is alarming you and you aren’t rushing to catch a train.

8. You realise that when people close to you nag you, or are unpleasant or vindictive, they usually aren’t just trying to wind you up, they may be trying to get your attention in the only way they know how. You learn to detect the desperation beneath your loved one’s less impressive moments – and, on a good day, you interpret them with love rather than judge them.

9. You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don’t store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you’ll be dead soon. You don’t expect others to know what’s wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don’t, in a different way, you forgive them too.

10. You realise that because life is so very short, it’s extremely important that you to try to say what you really mean, focus on what you really want, and tell those you care about that they matter immensely to you. Probably every day.
11. You cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area. There aren’t any perfect people, perfect jobs or perfect lives. Instead, you pivot towards an appreciation of what is (to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s exemplary phrase) ‘good enough.’ You realise that many things in your life are at once quite frustrating – and yet, in many ways, eminently good enough.

12. You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn out – and as a result, emerge as a calmer, more patient and more forgiving soul. You lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person (less impatient, less rigid, less angry).

13. You learn to see that everyone’s weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture: yes, someone is rather pedantic, but they’re also beautifully precise and a rock at times of turmoil. Yes someone is a bit messy, but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary. You realise (truly) that perfect people don’t exist – and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness.

14. You learn the virtues of compromise. You learn to settle in certain areas – and recognise that you’re being mature rather than weak when you do so. You might stay together with someone primarily for the children, or because you’re afraid of being alone. You might put up with some inconveniences because you know that a friction-free life is a mirage.

15. You fall in love a bit less easily. It’s difficult, in a way. When you were less mature, you could develop a crush in an instant. Now, you’re poignantly aware that everyone, however externally charming or accomplished, would be a bit of a pain from close up. You develop loyalty to what you already have.

16. You learn that you are – rather surprisingly – quite a difficult person to live with. You shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge.

17. You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness. You realise the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past misdeeds. You become more of a friend to yourself. Of course you’re an idiot, but you’re still a loveable one, as we all are.

18. You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion. You accept that we all have our regressive moments – and when the inner two year old you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need.

19. You cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years. You celebrate the little things that go well. You realise that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. You’re delighted if one day passes by without too much bother. You take a greater interest in flowers and in the evening sky. You develop a taste for small pleasures.

20. What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realise the minds of others are muddled places and you don’t try so hard to polish your image in everyone else’s eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you. You give up on fame and start to rely on love.

21. You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake, you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it – without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever a problem.

22. You realise the extent to which you tend to live, day by day, in too great a proximity to certain of your problems and issues. You remember – more and more – that you need to get perspective on things that pain you. You take more walks in nature, you might get a pet (they don’t fret like we do) and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky.

23. You cease to be so easily triggered by people’s negative behaviour. Before getting furious or riled or upset, you pause to wonder what they might really have meant. You realise that there may be a disjuncture between what someone said and what you immediately assumed they meant.

24. You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events – and learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics. You realise – sometimes – not to go with your feelings.

25. When you start a friendship, you realise that other people don’t principally want to know your good news, so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you, so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts. You become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing of vulnerability.

26. You learn to calm your anxieties not by telling yourself that everything will be fine. In many areas, it won’t. You build up a capacity to think that even where things go wrong, they are broadly survivable. You realise that there is always a plan B; that the world is broad, that a few kindly souls are always to be found and that the most horrid things are, in the end, endurable.

12 Ways Intermittent Fasting Can Melt Unwanted Fat Fast

While browsing through some weight loss materials, I see this term that catches my attention…”weight loss resistance”. WOW! There is actually a term that describes my current situation perfectly, and there must be others like me. I am struggling with trying to reduce my weight by 15 more pounds, but my previous diets and exercises are no longer effective. I need a new approach. Maybe I need to try intermittent fasting for weight loss, but I need to research it thoroughly.

WHAT IS INTERMITTENT FASTING?

I am a cautious person, and I do not jump into something different without having some knowledge about the idea. Intermittent fasting for weight loss involves eating for a certain period of time and then not eating for a specified time period. According to certified dietitian Leslie Langevin of Whole Health Nutrition, the method works by getting your body out of storing fat and using stored fat for energy. This is the reasoning that explains the success of losing weight with fasting. Of particular interest is the idea that the dreaded word “diet” is not in any of the sources I read. Instead, intermittent fasting is a lifestyle change.

How Does Intermittent Fasting Help With Unwanted Weight?

Research indicates that intermittent fasting is an effective strategy for weight loss. There are several ways that eating and fasting helps you lose unwanted weight fast.

1. There are different models to follow

You are free from just one restrictive plan that some diets use. Find the model that works for you. This is not a starvation plan. Calories for consumption are available each day. You decide which days you want a lower amount of calories, or you choose how many hours you want to fast between meals. The most popular options are:

• The 5/2 Plan (fast for 2 days).
• The 18/6 Method (fast for 18 hours each day).
• Alternate Day Fasting (fast every other day for 24 hours).
• The 20/4 Plan (only eat during a 4 hour period).

There are more options available on the above link. Choose the eating and fasting windows that suit your lifestyle. How long you go without food is totally up to you.

2. Makes it easier to cut calories

Overall, you consume less calories. Less eating produces less calories. It is important to not over-indulge during eating periods. The only calories you need to count are the ones you consume on fasting days. The recommendations for caloric intake on fasting days are 500 calories for women and 600 for men.

3. The body burns fat faster and more efficiently

By fasting. you lose weight, reduce body fat percentages, and improve your overall health.

4. Allows for insulin levels to lower

Insulin increases after eating. During fasting, insulin decreases. According to Dr. Naiman, after 18-24 hours of fasting, insulin is at its lowest levels and this is a prime time for fat burning and cellular repair.

5. Reduces cholesterol

One of the benefits of weight loss is a reduction in cholesterol.

6. Increases hormone levels

Fasting triggers the production of human growth hormone. Increasing HGH promotes faster weight loss and more energy.

7. Natural pattern for our bodies

Based on our ancient ancestors’ eating patterns, we only need to eat when food is available. This approach increases the time that our bodies use stored energy. When your body uses stored energy, you lose weight.

8. You learn the difference between when you need to eat and when you want to eat

Being aware of when you need to eat helps to reduce these unhealthy eating habits:

• Grazing all day long.
• Mindless snacking before bedtime.
• Emotional eating.

Studies show that when your body adjusts to this new pattern, it does not lead to any type of binge eating.

9. Increases metabolism

Some people may tell you that fasting decreases metabolism because you feel sluggish. This is simply not true. Fasting increases metabolism because your body relies on stored energy. One study of 11 healthy men shows that a 3-day fast increased their metabolism by 14%.

10. Less likely to cheat

Since intermittent fasting for weight loss is so easy to follow, it reduces the chances of participants cheating. It does not have diet restrictions that make us cringe. You can enjoy a meal and not feel guilty.

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11. Easy plan to follow

All you have to do is eat, do not eat, and eat. There is no need to stress about good foods or bad foods. You do not need to measure foods. You simply eat reasonably and then stop eating for the time period that is best for you.

12. Affordable

This method for weight loss does not require membership fees or purchasing special meals. Actually, you should see a decrease in your grocery bill because you are eating less food.

The success of the intermittent weight loss plan is dependent upon a few factors:

• Not overeating.
• Not under-eating.
• Finding the right model.

Intermittent fasting for weight loss has so many positive aspects, the biggest being that it provides weight loss success. In the future, we may hear more about fasting and its anti-aging and disease prevention abilities.

10 THINGS MEN DO WHEN THEY LOSE INTEREST IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. HE TAKES A LONG TIME TO RESPOND TO YOUR MESSAGES.

There was a time when every message you sent to your man got an instant reply. Lately, however, he’s noticeably answering your messages without any sense of urgency even when you know he’s not tied up at work. He also doesn’t make any effort to call you back even if his phone registered five missed calls from you. Additionally, he doesn’t make any attempts to call or send messages to you first since you are always the one initiating it.

2. HE STOPS PLANNING YOUR DATES.

You got so used to him setting up your weekend dates that all you needed to do was anticipate what exciting things and surprises he had in store. But now, you are the one deciding your weekends together and it feels like he’s just tagging along. He doesn’t actively plan your dates anymore.

3. THERE’S NO MORE PASSION IN HIS KISS.

He used to make you feel positively weak in the knees because there was passion in the way he kissed you. But now that his feelings might have changed, his kisses feel different as well. The worst thing is that he kisses you like he’s kissing a cousin – with a peck on the cheek! What’s that about, right?

4. HE BAILS ON YOU AND HANGS OUT WITH HIS BUDDIES.

You were practically together every night during the first few months of dating and he even made efforts to rearrange his schedule just so he could hang out with you. Now, he can afford to bail on you and spend his free time with his friends. When the honeymoon phase has passed, a relationship usually balances out, according to psychologist Randi Gunther via Psychology Today. Couples normally get back into their routines and disruptions, but there’s something off about a man who would rather spend time with his friends than his partner.

5. HE OPENLY FLIRTS WITH OTHER WOMEN.

Do you catch him looking at other women? Does he openly flirt with them even when he’s with you? A study revealed that while a man can still be attracted to other women, acting on this attraction even when he’s with someone could signal commitment problems. However, it’s one problem that can be resolved if you communicate your issues with your partner.

6. HE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

He changes the topic when you bring up stuff about your relationship.  He’s not keen on defining your status at this point. His non-committal action might be his subtle way of telling you that he’s not ready to get serious with you.

7. HE DOESN’T TALK ABOUT HOW HIS DAY WENT ANYMORE.

You used to get blow-by-blow accounts of how his day went. You always knew what he was up to every minute of the day. You had his daily schedule pretty mapped out in your head because he would often send you photos of the interesting things he saw or did while you weren’t together. He would chat you up even when in a meeting or with other people. Now, you don’t even have a clue where he’s spending his time after work and he’s been awfully silent or vague about what he did for the day, aside from being in the office.

8. HE STOPS SMELLING FRESH.

It seems like a chore for him now to freshen up and you are getting this feeling he is deliberately trying to repel you by skipping showers. He doesn’t make any effort to look good around you. This level of comfort might indicate a new phase in your relationship but it could also mean that the romance is dead. If he doesn’t care enough to impress you anymore, he might no longer be interested in other aspects of your relationship too.

9. HE HAS BECOME MOODY.

Everyone has his or her good and bad days but when your man is always in a bad mood and doesn’t even make any apologies for his behavior, it might indicate dissatisfaction. When slightest hitches set him off, it could be that he is struggling with his feelings of needing to do the right thing for your relationship when what he really wants is different. It’s possible he would rather be someplace else than with you.

10. HE’S SPOILING FOR A FIGHT.

He gets into an argument with you for no reason. It’s either you’re getting under his skin or he’s pushing your buttons. His behavior makes you wonder if you should break up with him. But he could be deliberately spoiling for a fight so that he won’t come off as the bad guy when you do call it quits. This is actually a manipulation. From the outside, it might look like you drove him out of the relationship with your anger.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Despite positive thinking, it might be heartbreaking to realize that your man could be losing interest in your relationship. However, you can choose to see these signs as a positive wake-up call. It’s up to you to decide if you would like to stick it out and fight for this relationship or stop wasting your time.

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